Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
