Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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