Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
