I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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