i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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