we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Duck Duck Cougar?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize