looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
