??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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