youre lurking in front of me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
