does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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