For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
