so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
