hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
