after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My butt remains clenched, sir.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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