I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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