There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
