I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
