everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
only you would photoshop your dick
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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