Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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