No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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