I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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