it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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