So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
