he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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