the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I stole a fireplace last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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