they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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