apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
