so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
