she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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