I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
