How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
