I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
