my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
