I have demons in me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
