Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
