did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
