Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
