VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
