I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
