Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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