she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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