actually, I'm a sock model
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
