found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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