so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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