i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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