It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
