In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
