If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
