So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize