You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
