I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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