You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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