I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
