There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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