I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just pee around me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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