I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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