R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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