The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
