I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
