i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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