I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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