Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
