Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
