woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
