Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
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Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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