Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
