If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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